Loss

There’s been great loss. Maybe not as severe as others. But my loss was just as great.

I opened another chapter of that old relationship book, yet to be jammed close again. 

I accept his absence now. It’s meant to be this way, so I can go find another book to invest myself into. We have to realise things change, nothing can be as it was once upon a time.

I loved him so deeply. As much as it pains me, all of the heart break he caused me, all the tears, all of the texts sent to people that I wasn’t coping. It was an honour to love him.

Our anniversary was on the 18th of February. What could’ve been our first year. It was not celebrated as I had imagined. Instead I sat in silence. Appreciating what he made me.

Confident. Beautiful within my skin. Loving. Selfless. 

And I couldn’t thank him enough for teaching me to love myself when others wouldn’t.

The memories will stay with me forever as my first love. One day I’ll open that book back up and think back to when I fell hopelessly in young love. 

Thank you for loving me. ❤️

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2015

2015 was a rollercoaster. A one with a que that stretches far beyond the railings. One where everything was well and great until my world turned upside down (literally).

I found someone I thought my life was going to spent with. It was blissful young love. But it wasnt just about him, much to everyones dismay. Theres more to love than a singularity. 

Ive made friendships, ones I didnt think in a life time would occur. In school, I’ve been labelled the quiet one. But suddenly, I became someone I wanted to be, or more the real me. The one that my close friends see and wish they hadn’t   everyday. 

I’ve seen people change dramatically, the older I get, the more I realise nobody stays the same. Me included. Ive seen other sides of myself, ones I dreamed of. Ive seen myself modelling. Strutting down a catwalk in a gown, feeling nothing but beauty glistening from my skin. I see myself as a social butterfly, out almost every weekend, not partying (95% of the time) but enjoying others company. I’ve seen myself deal with grief, pity, and betrayal. I’ve seen love . Ive seen achievement and goals. 

Its been a hell of a year, one I couldn’t forget. It wouldnt have been the same without everyone in my life, even if theyre not really in it now.

Love

Who can say they’ve honestly been in love? 

Its an overwhelming feeling. My self centred world allowed a fallen angel to land in the garden of my hearts deepest desires.

He wasn’t someone new, but someone who had always infactuated me with curiousity and wonder from when I was nothing but a 10 year old wanting to grow up. I watched from a distance, we talked a few times…but nothing was there then..

He came back into my life in January, through something I love. Or once did. The playstation 4. The online world is full of new and wonderful things. This is where we blossomed. Stayed up until the early hours of morning, talking endlessly about our lives. I love how our paths crossed. It was beautiful, to feel so deeply about someone. Someone who had seen the darkest of days, could see me as his light.

It didnt take long for me to realise I loved this man, I’d never felt so passionate about anything.

I didnt change for him, I only followed my dream. Thats what love is to me. 

Acceptance and appreciation. I felt this feeling for some time, but time has changed and lies dead. But thats another tale 

Just a little hello

I’m not really sure what prompted me to start a blog, it was rather impetual and odd.

I like to write, but with purpose. School has restricted me in exploring the freedom of text. Maybe its scared me, to see what really lies in this chaotic mind of mine!

Coming of age has shown me the ways of the world, its secrets and its beauties. They are in everything you see, feel and hear. Whether its people or places. Ive discovered the meaning behind “Life gives you lemons”. Its a tough world, it doesnt matter how thick your skin is, its not a sweet world. But there is reward in everything, its imperative to see this as we all grow into our shells.